Annoying Orange: Mystery of the Mustachios/Transcript

Orange: Hey! Hey, over here! Hey, bagface! Hey, hey bagface, hey! Hey, bagface! It looks like you had a little plastic surgery. (laughing)

(Daneboe takes the bag away)

Orange: Uh. Thanks for the hand, buddy. Geez. Whoa! Hey, hey Pistachios, hey!

Leader Mustachio: Dude, he's talking to us.

Semi-Far Right Mustachio: What do you want to do?

Middle Mustachio: don't say anything.

Sombrero Mustachio: Is this look all right? It feels lopsided.

Mustachio 1: It's so itchy!

Orange: Hey, Pistachios! Hey! Pistachios! Hey, over here!

Mustachio 5: It's not pistachio, okay?

Orange: Then what are you?

(Mustachios turned around to face Orange)

Mustachio 5: It's Mustachio.

Orange: (screaming)

(title card)

Mustachio 4: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it down, buddy! Everything's cool.

Orange: There's a caterpillar on your lip! And it's got friends!

Mustachio 3: These aren't caterpillars, dude. They're mustaches.

Orange: Uh-uh! Those are caterpillars! Pistachio-eating caterpillars!

Mustachio 1: Dude, that's not even a real thing.

Orange: Uh-huh! Ask Pear!

Pear: Did someone say pistachio-eating caterpillars?

Orange and Pear: (screaming)

Mustachio 2: I told you we should have gone somebreos.

Mustachio 3: I know, I know.

Orange: You pistachios are goners.

Mustachio 5: Look, for the last time, we're not pistachios!

Mustachio 3: Yeah. Pistachios are like, delicious.

Mustachio 2: Exactly.

Mustachio 4: And we're not.

Mustachio 1: Nope.

Mustachio 5: That's right. Cause we're Mustachios.

Mustachio 1: And that's totally a different thing.

Mustachios: (talking)

Orange: Yeah, whatever. Clearly, you guys are nuts. (laughing)

Mustachio 1: Hey, hey, hey. Look buddy, if we were tasty pistachios are flavoured would have given us away.

Pear: Guys! It's okay! We're not gonna eat you.

Mustachio 1: Of course not. Cause we're not pistachios.

Pear: Oh, come on. The shells, the green center, the giant freaking bag that said pistachios on it?

Mustachio 1: (sniffs) Boy It's getting hot in here. (sniffs) Kinda getting the sniffles here.

Mustachio 4: Shut up, Barry.

Orange: You be a lot cooler if you want wern't wering a lip warmer. (laughing) Oh! I know! Let me give you a fuzz buster. (laughing)

Mustachios: (sighs)

Orange: I get the feeling that the answer to this mystery is right under your nose! (laughing)

Pear: Um, Orange, they don't have noses.

Orange: You're an Apple!

Mustachio 5: Yep, and we're Mustachios! End of story. You guys have a great day, we gotta get going now!

Mustachio 1: (sniffs, then sneezes, causing his mustache to come lose)

Other Mustachios: (Gasp)

Mustachio 1: Whoo, it's okay guys. It's just allergies. (His mustache comes off)

Mustachio 4: Ahh, Barry!

Mustachio 1: What? What is it?

Orange: Whoa! Talk about a close shave! (laughing)

Mustachio 3: Are you trying to get us killed?

Mustachio 5: How hard is it to wear a mustache?

Mustachio 1: Glue it back on! Glue it back on! Somebody!

Mustachio 2: See, I told we should've gone with somebreros.

Mustachio 1: (screams as Daneboe picks him up and opens him)

Other Mustachios: (Screaming)

Mustachio 1: Oh my god, I'm naked! I'm naked!

Orange: Whoa!

Pear: Ugh, I can't look!

Mustachio 1: Stop looking at me!

(Daneboe takes away Mustachio 1)

(All other Mustachios except Mustachio 5 have their mustaches come off and get eaten)

Orange: Whoa! Poor Pistachios! They're getting shellacked! (laughing) Oh! Ow!

Mustachio 5: Uh! Oh jeez Barry, we should've left you in the bag.

Pear: Man, sorry about your friends little dude.

Orange: Yeah, those guys really cracked me up! (laughing)

Mustachio 5: Yeah, well, I guess that's just the price for being so darn wonderful. Everyone wants a piece. There's danger lurking everywhere. One minute, everything's cool, and then there's a giant hand reaching out to crush you. Who knows? Next time it could be a... a...

Orange: A Pistachio-eating caterpillar?

Mustachio 5: He he, Yeah good one Orange.

Orange: That wasn't a joke!

Pear: (gasps) Pistachio-eating caterpillar!

Mustachio 5: Huh? Ugh. Agh. No! (then screams at Caterpillar comes close and eats him)

Caterpillar: (coughs about 3 times) Ugh! I hate it when those guys don't shave! (then continues coughing)