Annoying Orange: Comedy Roast!/Transcript

(Screen exploded into the title card, and everybody cheers)

Grapefruit's Voice: ''Daneboe proudly presents the comedy roast of the Annoying Orange. Here's your host, Pot Roast!''

Pot Roast: That's right, everybody. Just the way your mother made it, what now?

(Everybody laughs)

Pot Roast: It's great to be here, tonight in produce section. Seriously, there are a lot of vegetables, here. Then again, it is Youtube, say what now?

(Everybody laughs)

Pot Roast: This is so exciting, really. When, they told me to come down here and roast the Annoying Orange, I was like, "Heck, yes! I love Snooki!"

(Everybody laughs)

Pot Roast: Seriously, folks. The only thing worse in this gag was the time some guy shoved the thermometer up my rump.

(Everybody laughs)

Pot Roast: Speaking of pain of the butt, where's our honored guest?

(Orange being tape gagged appears by the machine where it goes up, and everybody cheers.)

Orange: (muffled through gags)

Pot Roast: What? I warned you not to sign that gag order.

(Everybody laughs)

Orange: (growls through gags)

Pot Roast: Orange doesn't seem like himself, tonight. I know what you're thinking. What an improvement!

(Everybody laughs)

Orange: (muffle through gags)

Pot Roast: What now?

(Screen flips into Pear hosting)

Pear: You know, with Orange, there's no in between. Either you think he's annoying, where you hate his guts.

(Everybody crowds)

Orange: (laughs through gags)

(Screen flips into Potato hosting)

Potato: (Matter-of-factly) I don't have anything bad to say about Orange. His face says it all.

(Everybody crowds and the screen skips into Bananas hosting)

Banana #1: You know, we'll never forget the first time we met you, Orange.

Banana #2: Although, we keep trying.

(Everybody laughs)

Orange: (groans through gags)

(Screen skips into Midget Apple hosting)

Midget Apple: Orange, sometimes you say things that make me feel small, and sometimes you say things that make me feel insecure. I call those feelings "the cold pricklies".

Pear: Dude, are you gonna tell a joke or what?

Midget Apple: (Confused) A joke?!

(record scratches)

Midget Apple: I thought this was in an intervention!

(Everybody laughs)

Orange: (laughs through gags)

Screen skips into Cabbage hosting)

Cabbage: Geez! What is this? A bowling alley? I can hear a pin drop!

(Screen skips into Sunflower hosting)

Sunflower: Orange has no arms and legs. When he goes swimming, I like to call him Bob!

(Everybody laughs, and the screen skips into Passion Fruit hosting)

Passion Fruit: Orange, when you talk, other people get hoarse just by listening.

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into Liam hosting)

Liam: If I had a nickel for everytime the Annoying Orange annoyed me... well, I wouldn't need to find my Pot 'O Gold, now, would I? (laughing)

(Everybody laughs)

Liam: Ah... (Sad) I still want to, though.

(Screen skips into Eggplant hosting)

Eggplant: You guys wanna hear my impression to Orange?

(Everybody cheers)

Eggplant: It sounds a little something like this...(farts and laughs)

(Everybody laughs)

Eggplant: Pretty good, right?

Orange: (groans through gags)

(Screen skips into Party Rock hosting)

Party Rock: You know, Orange is the kinda fruit you could use as a blueprint........to build an idiot. Heh-heh.

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into Yam hosting)

Yam: You had a lot of well wishers here today, Orange.

Orange: (muffled) Really?

Yam: Yup, a whole bunch of people that wanna throw you down a well. (laughs)

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into Grapefruit hosting)

Grapefruit: Orange is no dummy. He didn't just fall off the turnip truck. Nope, the turnips pushed him. (laughs)

Orange: Mm-mm.

(crickets chirping)

Grapefruit: Eh-heh-heh. Hey, is this thing on? Mic check, mic check!

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into The Cobs hosting)

Cob #1: Hey Orange, Gilbert Gottfried called. He wants his laugh back.

(Everybody laughs)

Cob #2: (laughs like Gilbert Gottfried)

Cob #1: Not you, moron!

(Screen skips into Zoom hosting)

Zoom: With Zoom, you don't have to count sheep! You can ride them at the speed of sound!

(Screen skips into Pineapple hosting)

Pineapple: Is that a spray tan?

Orange: (muffles "no" through gags)

Pineapple: Try using Copper tone, not Orange glow.

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into Mango hosting)

Mango: If Orange truly spoke his mind, he'd be 'speech-less'. (laughs)

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into Grandpa Lemon hosting)

Grandpa Lemon: Orange is so annoying that--(sleeping)

(Everybody laughs and the screen skips into Juice Boxes hosting)

Cherry: (tongue flipping)

(Everybody laughs)

Cherry: What's that all about, huh?

Orange: (groans through gags)

Blue: You--you think you're Nyan Cat like you do it long enough to turn you into a pop tart and like rainbows? Heh-heh.

(Everybody laughs and the screen flips into Marshmallow hosting)

Marshmallow: Yay! I think, Orange is great!

Pear: Marshmallow, you're doing it wrong.

Marshmallow: (Fails to realize this) Yay!

(The candy cane carries Marshmallow away, everybody laughs and the screen flips into Copper Lincoln hosting)

Copper Lincoln: Yo, Orange is so clumsy, that any dance he does is considered break dancin'. (laughs)

(Everybody laughs)

Copper Lincoln: (dancing) WHOO-HOOOOO!!!

(Screen flips into Gingerbread Man hosting)

Gingerbread Man: Orange is like a Christmastide - loud and useless. (laughs)

(Everybody laughs and the screen flips into Midget Apple hosting again)

Midget Apple: Orange is so dumb, and he got--

Pot Roast: Okay, like we say it Butcher Shop, it's time to wrap it up.

Midget Apple: Oh, come on! I was just getting started!

Pot Roast: Yeah, but, now you get stopped... short! Whaaaaaat?

Midget Apple: (groans)

(Everybody laughs)

Pot Roast: We've had our fun, last and short, but now, it's time for our silent partner to take a step.

(Orange take his duct tape out of his mouth.)

Orange: Eh, ducts taste like plastic! Uhh!

(Everybody laughs)

Pot Roast: What's the matter, Orange? Don't feel like chewin' the fat?

Orange: I don't know. It's just kinda nice that everyone could be here to celebrate our billionth view. Especially, since most of them have already been killed, sliced or exploded.

(Everybody laughs)

Orange: I guess all I really wanna say is, tanks a lot!

(Record scratches, the tanks appeared, and they killed everybody except Pear, Passion Fruit, Midget Apple, Marshmallow, and Grandpa Lemon, and everyone screams)

Orange: (Surprised) Whoa!

(The audiences opened the top tank)

Girl: Whoa, we're not late for the roast, are we?

Orange: I really do have an army of fans! (laughs)

(Screen show Pot Roast got hit by the tank wheel.)

Pot Roast: (pain noise) Oh, that Orange has a one track mind. Am I right?

(The tank exploded into end rolls. The new Kitchen Carnage update with Red Raspberry hosting in the square. Everybody cheers)

Red Raspberry: Your jokes are the bomb, and I'm a nuke. Wanna go toe-to-toe? Duke-to-duke? I'll come to your town, I will rock the world. Slap you down, son, and steal your girl. I'm Rapberry, son of a gun, you're just a chump, who loves to pump. Whoooo!