Annoying Orange: Crappy Captioned 5/Transcript

Pear: Here at Annoying Orange, we caption every video for our hearing impaired fans. And also because Google's automatic captions are THE WORST! Here's another episode we remade using those same automatic captions to prove it. Enjoy!

(screen cuts to Orange at a root beer stand called "HARM ROOT BEER" for 25 cents.

Orange: Free Harm Root Beer! (sighs) How bored.

(Dane Boe puts Tomato on the counter wearing a top hat)

Tomato: Low hope. Where?... And why? (pulls out an iPhone)

Orange: He-apple! (kicks the root beer stand away) You're back!

Tomato: (on Facebook on his iPhone looking at recent posts by Grapefruit and Midget Apple) Like!

Orange: He-Apple, where you been?

Tomato: (throws his iPhone away) Are you talking to me?

Orange: He-Apple! (screen zooms out to a He-Apple poster on the wall, with He-Apple having Robert Jennings' face)

Tomato: (suddenly without his top hat) I'm not an apple.

Orange: HE! He-Apple!

Tomato: (floating in water of a lake) I'm not an apple.

Orange: Yeah. Our your Red Sea. You're an apple.

Tomato: (pulls out a magazine called CCM with Faithful Fruit Plumm on the front cover) Note on early CCM: I'm a tomato.

Orange: A tomato? You look like an apple. UP!

(Squash comes down by Tomato and he moves out of the way)

Squash: Ewww! Not again!

Tomato: No no no. I'm a fruit. Like an apple, but I'm not an apple.

Orange: Why no, you're not. Your vegetable.

Tomato: (holding a name tag that says Hello my name is Hyman) Well that's a common misconception, but to me, like myself, Hyman the apple.

Orange: Can you split scenes?

Tomato: (wearing his top hat on a white platform with a skull) Life. (Daneboe cuts the background and Tomato is in the kitchen again, applause plays)

Orange: (pulls out a bouquet) Like, YES! (throws the flowers at Tomato)

Tomato: (gets bruised by the flower) How to tech is wrong with you, Kevin Orange?

Orange: (has a name tag that says Hi, my name is Kevin) I'm Kevin.

Tomato: Don't ever do that to a Tomato, don't you know how easily I bruise? Your- I- (goes away, comes back with a chalkboard, a radio antenna to point and he no longer has a bruise and taps the next four words with the antenna) Told ME HE TOLD. It's tomato.

Orange: Told me 800.

Tomato: (continues pointing the antenna at the words) Top may tell. (chalkboard changes to təˈmā'tō) To-MAY-to! It's not hard!

Orange: Yeah. You're a vegetable.

Tomato: (sitting on the top of a stepladder) Fruit! I'm up fruit! I-

Orange: You can't be a fruit AND vegetable.

Tomato: (on a stool made of roots and a seed) I know! I'm not! It's up root. Tomatoes are fruits!

Orange: (wearing jeans without legs) No you're not. Your vegetable. Like a pocket. (turns around to reveal a pocket with a corn cob, a carrot, a parsnip and a pea pod)

Tomato: Pumpkins are fruit too you more on!

Orange: Here. Elephants are microwaves! (whistles loudly for elephants)

(elephants with microwaves as bodies come at Tomato, Tomato climbs up and tries to get across the elephants with a knife)

Tomato: (grunts as he gets on top with a knife) HACK ORANGES!

(Orange and Tomato have a little fight with Orange dodging every knife attack)

Orange: Whoa! You're an apple!

Tomato: (a green apple with Kevin Brueck's face is on him) On the tomato.

Orange: Apple!

Tomato: (is on the apple, but goes under again) Tomato!

Orange: Apple!

Tomato: (is on the apple, but goes under again) Tomato!

Orange: Apple!

Tomato: (is on the apple, but goes under again) Tomato!

Orange: Blender!

(Daneboe set up his Osterizer blender, puts Tomato in it)

Tomato: Up? Well hey!

Orange: Well!

Tomato: Ball, take me but- don't know, don't know! (Daneboe presses High, then Liquefy on his blender and it starts, Tomato starts yelling)

Orange: But what's that gotta?

(Tomato is yelling inside the blender)

Orange: You okay?

(Tomato continues yelling, Dane turns off the blender, screen fades to black, then Dane puts a plate consisting of a chicken cheese burger with bacon, some French fries and Tomato as ketchup)

Orange: You see, Europe?

Europe: Yeah yeah yeah, how tomato? Good to see you.

Orange: Yeah. I- (Daneboe puts papers saying Week 8 at Orange) What? Other week 8. Catch up!

Europe: (is in chains) How getting catch up?

Orange: AC, why lapping head?

(Screen cuts to the air conditioner with a skin piece that's hitting a head bowl with water in it)